Minister: Pst. Dimeji Elugbadebo
The home is for discipleship, nurturing, and establishment.
We cannot talk about the home as a blossoming habitation without first recovering Kingdom identity for the man and the woman. Particularly, we need to labour to recover the identity of the Kingdom man.
The whole Bible is built around three things. First is the Godhead, referring to the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost. Second is their Kingdom, which refers to their conversation, ideas for life, government, and dominion. Third is the Church.
The Church is not a physical building. Since the New Testament, God has stopped dwelling in buildings made with hands (Acts 7:48). God is building a people. He also wants a nation, and the purpose of that nation is to demonstrate His Kingdom, because His Kingdom is the government of His life.
A strong aspect of God’s nation is family. When we look at Israel as a nation, for example, a person can be traced down to his family. We also see how Balak could not curse the children of Israel because they were in order, each dwelling within his family in his tribe. One of the things Satan fears most in the Church is order.
A major part of a nation is family, and the most important part of the family is the identity of the man and the woman. This is very important.
Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
The word “man” is holistic in a sense; it was used for both male and female in Genesis: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Genesis 1:27 KJV). The woman is also a man. However, God blessed Adam and Eve in the identity of man. The man has a leadership role in the structure of man (male and female). God designed it that way.
If we are men and in a male body, it is not a mistake. It is a calling and a divine ordination for headship. It is a natural framing to represent the headship of God, because the male man has the responsibility to represent God’s image and headship.
There are things in God that are male and things that are female. Male and female are attributes of divine life in God. God is neither male nor female, yet He has both attributes operating in Him seamlessly.
This is why God wants male and female to combine and get married, to bring divine representation to His life. There is a component in God called Man that we have to rediscover so that we can stand fully in it.
A man is God’s idea for headship, meaning fatherhood. A man is a potential father, but he might never grow to become a father. The calling of a man is fatherhood.
Fatherhood means representing the nature of God, who is a Father. Fatherhood means being a source, sustainer, having wisdom, covering, direction, protection, being a provider, a nurturer, and a builder. These are the attributes of a father.
For instance, a man should have more investment in wisdom than in anything else. A man does not need to be old to become wise. Timothy started accessing wisdom from an early age.
2 Timothy 3:15 KJV And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
Being wise as a father begins with a commitment to Scripture. As men, if we are going to be wise master builders, we must invest in Scripture.
Fatherhood is a demonstration of the wisdom of God. The male man, by divine ordination, is meant to represent the headship of God.
It is a major problem when men do not take their place in wisdom. Women should engage in prayers for the male gender, that men will be wise and rise to their place. If not, the woman whom God designed to be a helpmate will not have anything to help the man with because he has not risen to take the mandate of God. For instance, Adam was already busy with God’s mandate before the woman was brought to help him.
The man was designed originally to pursue God’s vision, mandate, and eternal agenda. God’s agenda is for man to become the full expression of His life.
Adam was pursuing two things. The first was conformity to the Kingdom of God. The second was carrying out the Kingdom assignment of reproducing heaven on earth. This is to ensure that God’s Kingdom would be fulfilled on earth.
Until God’s vision is set, a male is not yet a man; he is still a boy. The pattern from God is first to reveal the mandate to the male, which will make him a man. Afterwards, he is qualified to receive a helper, who is a wife.
Man forms a critical part of the family. When manhood is absent, family life becomes difficult because the man is designed to be a covering for the family.
Paul gave the order: God, Christ, man, then woman. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
As a woman, you are designed to naturally submit. Even when you do not marry, you are a helper and can still be a mother.
In fact, if a female grows up to become a mother, though she is not married, she would eventually be a good wife upon marriage. Part of the faculty of motherhood is being a wife.
A boy should grow up to become a man. Fatherhood is mature manhood. In manhood, we form an identity with God’s vision. Once vision is sorted, identity is sorted. Until God becomes man’s vision, he does not know who he really is.
A man is God’s representative. When we see a man, we should see God’s representative. Jesus is God’s idea for a man. A man should be one who mirrors God. Man is a projector, builder, and sustainer of God’s vision.
Again, the calling of man is to be a representative of God’s headship. Headship can be summarised in wisdom, and within wisdom, we find government. Government is a flow of wisdom. Wisdom is governmental.
There are two institutions that God ordained: family and the Church. For these two, we need strong manhood to sustain them. This requires strong character in manhood to see that God’s purpose succeeds in these institutions.
A man should know how to raise. The first thing for a man to do when a woman is brought to him is to raise her further. A man should have water to raise his wife, and she would then raise the children.
As a man, your wife should not be the one building you spiritually or teaching you to pray. She should meet you praying. You should pray for your wife. Pray and push your children into God.
A man should demonstrate what it means to carry the image of God. A husband is a faculty in fatherhood.
As a woman, before you marry, your father has ownership of your life. What takes a daughter out of the house for marriage requires another father.
For a son, it is different. Fathers have authentic identity over their daughters. In marriage, they hand them over from one father to another father.
For women, their husband is a father.
As a husband, you should be at least a man when a woman is being handed over to you. The problem in marriages is that little sisters are handed over to little brothers.
Before marrying, men should have raised other sisters. They should have raised sisters who have grown to love God because they met you.
Men are designed to be leaders. You should lead people to know God.
It is a stress when a woman marries a man, and she is not growing spiritually or getting better in knowing God. A woman should flourish under the leadership of the man.
Headship carries oil. Jesus gives special grace to you to lead well.
A man should not play with authority because you are an authority being. You should have authority too, because authority is easily commanded when you are also submitted, just like the centurion (Matthew 8:9).
Authority begets authority. Sometimes, if your wife is not submitting well, the problem might be you, because she is your rib.
To the sisters, any man you marry will own you. Man was not made for the woman, but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11:9) That is why the name of the woman changes. In other words, it is changing your identity from one headship to another.
Genesis 2:24 KJV Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
It is the man who leaves his father and mother primarily, not the woman. A lot of work should have been done in a man before he cleaves to a woman. He must be followable; he must be a proper example.
Before a brother is declared fit for marriage, he must be proved by the authority to declare him safe for a sister. Many brothers did not grow up seeing good patterns from their families.
Marriage is not a scam. It is the people who enter it who can make it a scam, because the Bible says that marriage is honourable in all. (Hebrews 13:4)
A man must have a testimony among the brethren that he has served, loved his sisters, and is not a fighter of sisters. One of the characteristics of a man is resilience. Men go to war on the field, securing their country before the war comes to the house.
A man should be worthy of reverence, as said in Ephesians 5:33, not because he has money but because of wisdom. A man must have an investment in wisdom. To be wise is to fear God.
Proverbs 9:10 KJV The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.
You know the strength of a man by the quality of reverence he has for God. A man without God does not have a head and is not okay.
Mind the person who heads you. If he is foolish, you will be foolish. Marry a man who values prayer, values God, and values using God as the measure for every area of his life.
Your children must encounter a man. They must grow up seeing the things of God being lived in the man. Our primary desire as men should be becoming like God. Then other secular visions should be subsidiary.
Psalm 128:1 KJV Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
A man should be a custodian of ways, and for this to be possible, he must invest in knowledge, both spiritual and natural. As a man, you must be a house of knowledge. There is always a demand of life on a man. Have an idea of many things; have what to say about things.
A man is a storer of ways. You even need knowledge to dwell with your wife.
Paul said three things concerning a man: he is to be a saviour of his wife, a sanctifier, and a cherisher of his wife. (Ephesians 5:25–26)
You need water for these three things. Water is the investment of God in a husband. A blessed man is one who can do these three things for his wife. You also have to be a model of these three things.
A Husband should teach his wife by his lifestyle. You earn respect by becoming an example and not by teaching. Jesus is an example.
For women, 1 Peter 3:1- 6 tells us to wear the Word as a garment. The way to win an unbelieving husband is to wear the Word.
We must have salvation properties as men. We must have the properties of God that are lamb-like. A man should invest in meekness and patience. It takes the nature of a lamb in a man to stay and save his wife. A man should invest in patience and the ability to endure and forbear because this is what Jesus did for us. He suffered long with us and washed us with the washing of water by the Word. A man should work on his wife with his lifestyle and words, the same way our Lord Jesus did for us.
For a man to be a sanctifier, he must be set apart for God for special use. A wife should be closer to God with her husband than when she was single. Husbands should purify their wives who are submitting under them. The love a man has for his wife is a sanctifying love, a nurturing love.
You cannot nurture something you do not value. It is necessary to first value our wives. A man taking up the responsibility to become a father is not done by physical might but by the grace of God. Oil from God is needed. It is a ministry.
To the husbands, Peter said we should know, dwell, and honour. (1 Peter 3:7–8)
A typical woman who has not grown may not know how to talk or say sorry. Those things should not be strange to a man before marriage. Before you get a woman who is not edgy, she must be a spiritual woman.
So, you must invest in patience before you get married because your wife may say things that will get you angry. Women say things they do not mean and mean things they do not say. You must learn how to love a woman with all her natural flaws. You must know a woman and must have the knowledge of God. (1 Peter 3:7–8)
You cannot afford to be sensitive as a man but be God-sensitive. Before you know your wife, know God. Honour your wife. Choose to. Put value on your wife. For brothers who are not married, learn to honour your sisters. In our Kingdom, we value and honour women. We take care of our women.
The last is to dwell. A man can dwell with many things and not dwell with his wife. It takes a lot of power to dwell with your wife. In Greek, it means to be in harmony. Harmonise with your wife.
Psalm 128:1–3 KJV Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. [2] For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. [3] Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
The blessed man is a man who has ways.
As a married man, think about what your wife shall become. When your wife and children become godly, you will eat the fruit of that labour.
The children are not just your biological children but also those you have laboured on. Olives are witnesses. If you can yield yourself to God, you do not know what God can use you to do.
It starts with the man.