The New and Living Way Church, Ikorodu.
Meeting: Sunday Service
Date: 10th October, 2021
Ministers: Pastor Laide Olaniyan & Pastor Segun
Pastor Segun
(Ephesians 5:19-23; John 13:1-17; Matthew 20:24-28; Phillipians 2:4-9) Recall that the last time we talked about what God looks for in a husband, we were able to see things the Lord was expecting from the man in terms of being the head. We talked about the fact that marriage relationships are not defined by customs and traditions and we know God instituted marriage. God is the only one that can give us the template for the role of the man in that union.
Christ is the perfect example of this role as we can see in Ephesians 5. One of the full responsibilities of the man is the salvation of the woman. Looking at verse 23, it says Christ is the saviour of the body. The responsibility as a husband is very high and important as he has to ensure the woman – his wife – is saved. We need to follow the template of Him who saved the church.
The Gentilic Husband
We can look at the gentile husband and call him a perfect husband material but before God, the guy is nowhere. (Matthew 20:24-28) The Zebedee brothers were scheming for a place of authority but Jesus was correcting them that gentiles lord authority over people but they were not to behave in that particular manner. (Matthew 6:30-33) A gentile mind is not just someone that is not born again, it is a thought process that runs man. It is what instructs you to walk the way you walk. We can see that the thought process of ‘what am I going to eat and drink?’, which is the way man has been set to think about his life, are gentilic thoughts.
Man was not designed to think for himself. God is supposed to think for us. The gentilic mind is being instructed by a fallen wisdom. When Adam fell, something else began to instruct him, but before the fall, God was the one thinking for him. A man can be born again and still be using gentilic wisdom. A gentile man will tell his wife she is supposed to submit and that’s why submission has been an issue in the church because people have seen how men have used that as a weapon to subjugate women. They say you’re supposed to submit that it is what the Bible says, but they have yet to see it from another angle. Even the Bible says submit one to another (Ephesians 5:21). There is also a submission the husband does by loving the woman.
There is a way the gentile husband sees himself as a lord and master and as someone who should be served and revered. He is all in all and doesn’t answer to anyone. He is ignorant of the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus. This law is higher than the law of Moses. A man following this law will not do things because society dictates it. The kingdom husband does things as the Spirit instructs him not as the world has dictated.
There are times your wife will disrespect you or do something you don’t like but she might just be doing it subconsciously. Maybe that’s how she was raised or because you have not really called her attention to it. You can say she is supposed to know that she should not behave like that and you’ll deal with her for it – this is how a gentile would think. A kingdom man will count it as just a deficiency, and would trust God on how to talk to her and correct in love without causing anything in the atmosphere of the home or angering her. Sometimes, in a bid to correct, you might even end up causing more problems.
A man needs the Spirit to manage a woman. The world will say if you have money, girls will come but if you don’t have spirit sense, there will be issues. This is why we see some rich men who go and marry outside because their wives are giving them issues and the other one is giving him peace. We can’t also say the way my dad related with my mum is how I will relate with my wife. Times have changed, then there was no spirit of feminism and other spirits that have landed. If a man relates with his wife the way his father did, he will see reactions in his home because these spirits talk.
(1 Peter 3:7) The knowledge here is not head knowledge or what we get from seminars or couples retreat. These are good as God will lead us but beyond that, we need the revelation of Jesus so the home can be managed well. It is not something we just acquire or head knowledge, a man will need grace to be able to express them. This expression aspect is where we struggle. It is not just for us to hear messages and revelations but when it comes to doing it, we should not hesitate from doing it. If an instruction comes, it means we have capacity to do it. The knowledge of Christ gives us spiritual sense to relate with our spouse and manage situations as the head of the home. It is a demonstration of life that flows forth from what God has wrought in the man. That is how we are supposed to relate with our wife, with the life God is working in us.
Sometimes we can keep complaining about a particular issue in our wives or always wanting to correct them but Jesus doesn’t do that. Sometimes, He doesn’t correct us until later. We must be led by the Spirit concerning decisions of our home. Every decision concerning the home is spiritual and pertains to salvation. Buying food is spiritual, and other decisions of the home because evil spirits stay there to derail us and make sure we don’t fulfill purpose and we must be sensitive as men to ensure everything we do is about salvation.
The Gentile Husband vs God Made Husband
A gentile husband is like an emperor and conqueror in the home. When Daddy is coming, everyone will sit tight. He’s mostly a no-nonsense man. It is good we follow the Spirit. The world says the man must be a disciplinarian and that everyone in the house must respect him. There must also be an empathetic and loving side to you. The way Christ comes to us, He comes as a lover, understands our infirmities, plays with us, doesn’t come hard on us when we do wrong and at the same time He also rebukes us. It shouldn’t be all dread in the home. It has to be a balance. Some men want to be all soft and be 21st century Dad and never rebuke. These are 2 extremes (disciplinarian and non-disciplinarian), Satan has the template for it but there is a balance and it can only be found in the Spirit.
The kingdom husband is a broken man. He has no strength to do things. He waits upon the Lord on decisions to prevent things from spoiling in the home. A man must be attuned and discerning in the spirit and should not rush into making decisions because some situations will arise that will make you hasty to make decisions. There are decisions my dad made back then that in hindsight I see they were wrong decisions. God is calling us to a higher light and there are decisions that our parents made that we shouldn’t take.
Young ladies must ensure to marry a man that is broken, not a Nimrod or an achiever or a hunter or a man with 25-year vision. If he has everything else but can’t follow the Spirit, don’t follow him. (John 13:13-14) Imagine the master of all: Jesus, the creator of heaven and the earth washing the feet of His disciples showing that in this kingdom, it is not about bossing people around but by serving. The gentilic man wants everyone to know he’s the oga here and everything revolves around him, but in the kingdom, it is different. In the kingdom, the head serves.
As men, our responsibility is not just providing for the home. Culture defined it that way but it is a lie. It is beyond that. Salvation of our wife and our household is much more important. Just providing for the home, anyone can do it because even unbelievers that do not know God do it. The kingdom husband has responsibility to save the souls kept under him. You are to teach your family in the way of the Lord and this is what the Lord said about Abraham that he will command his household in the way of the Lord (Genesis 18:19). You will see sometimes, even in Christian homes, the children still go wayward and this is because they are starved spiritually – even though physical provision was made in other ways. The man is meant to be a covering for his home.
The duty of a kingdom husband is to labour and ensure that the wife comes into the fullness that the Lord designed her for. It is not just to provide, there are other spiritual needs that the wife has that you have to also fulfill as a husband. The husband has a lot of work on his hands, he has to also ensure to move higher. As husbands, we can’t give what we don’t have. There must be a conscious effort to be in tune with the Spirit so we can supply as we need to. We must be thinking, ‘how she will grow as the Lord wants her to?’. If you are the only one growing, you have not done well.
Satan has done a wicked work. He put this rat race in men. Some men do not have time for their family. They are so caught up with wanting to make money that even if the family complains of not seeing him, he will say it is them he is working for. There is this hustling sense that Satan has fused man with. Our pursuit of carnal things should be tailored after the Spirit. Let the Spirit release you into the affairs of life. We mustn’t run as gentiles run. Even sometimes, with running a business, at some time, the Lord might require that you just stay with the children and your wife. You will find that if you don’t obey the Lord, wrong spirits can come in because you didn’t provide the covering they needed. You will get all the money but there will be so much sorrow at the end of the day.
A kingdom husband should know it’s not just to provide money for the house and I must emphasize this because the world says the man is a breadwinner but beyond physical bread, the man must also win the (spiritual) bread in the spirit and bring it home. Satan attacks homes. We must know spirits talk too and prey on our wives and that makes them not submissive or to our children to make them wayward. Sometimes, I pray for my wife because I know this. As husbands, we must guard all these places so there are no loopholes.
A Look at the Book of John 13:1-17
The True Show of Authority
The leg of the wife signifies her weakness. Everyone of us has weaknesses. One way we can show love is to look at that weakness and see how we can help one another. Marriage relationship is for helping one another. The responsibility of a man is to help her in her weakness and not to gloat over her weakness. A man should pray for wisdom on how to reach her on that particular weakness. One of the demonstrations of authority is to condescend to her level just like Jesus. When we became born again, He didn’t lay demands on us, He said come as you are. He came to our level in that way but after communion and close fellowship, He now begins to instruct us to raise us and that is how a husband is supposed to be. The husband should also learn to leave the past in the past. Don’t also discuss her dirty legs with those who cannot help.
Remove Your Garment and Stoop Low
Husbands must be able to put off their righteousnesses, advantages, privileges etc. If a man tries to force things on his wife without relying on the Holy Spirit, the devil can come in and start speaking to her that you don’t love her or that you’re too full of yourself etc. Our words must be full of grace.
Washing of Water and the Use of Towel (John 13:4, Eph. 5:25-26)
After the husband has removed his garment and stooped down to the feet of his wife, the next thing is to begin to wash with words. Many men have not removed their garment and have not stooped low to the feet of their wives, but they want to wash with water. So, they meet the stiff resistance in their wives because Jesus could not serve us as his bride till He had identified with our flesh and blood.
The removing of garment and stooping to feet level is a measure of death every man must die to please the Lord in his wife.The things we say are supposed to supply grace. We shouldn’t speak down on our wives. Husbands must note that Satan speaks to the wife so we also must come and speak just like Jesus is always speaking to His church because Satan is speaking. Sometimes, immediately after a powerful ministration in church and you step out, you’ll just see another thought hit you. Some people want messages in church to not be more than 45minutes whereas Satan is talking 24/7 through social media, radio, colleagues in the office etc. We also must constantly be hearing messages.
Water of Your Life
The water to wash is first and foremost the life of the man. The water is the knowledge of Christ that has become our conversations, our life. We are always drawn to the Lord in surrender to Him at the revelation of His life.
Water of Word from the Mouth (Proverbs 12:18, 25, 16:24, James 3:1-8, Ephesians 4:29)
The greatest weapon within our members – to build and to destroy life – is the word of the mouth. The husband must realise this and take caution on how he speaks and what he speaks to his wife. Husbands please let’s speak life to our wives. Don’t beat her down with words. Don’t compare her with others. If for example she gained weight, yes we know it is not good to be obese but there is a way to say it that you won’t put her down and make her feel so bad and depressed. You can say we all need to exercise in this house and do it together with her and the family. There are so many other aspects too that God has put grace on our lips to speak life to them.
Water of the Word from Christ
The husband should also labour to position his wife for the receiving of the word of Christ through the fivefold ministry. The husband does not have all the water needed to wash his wife, but Christ has more than enough water to wash any soul clean. I believe nobody here will stop his wife from listening to messages or complaining that she is listening too much and that there are other things to do. There are things you won’t even know about your wife so they must be exposed to an atmosphere where they can hear ministers that have been set over us. This will help them see where they are lacking and you also will see where you are lacking, if not, there will be issues.
Sisters, please marry someone that will expose you to the Word because your salvation is important and the man determines your salvation. If you don’t marry a man after this kind of thing, there will be a problem. Sometimes, we just come and inform pastor and not seeking counsel on who to marry, you think he will tell you no especially when you are not properly submitted. Let’s help pastor. Make sure he certifies before we do anything.
Nourished and Cherished (Ephesians 5:29, 1Timothy4:6)
To cherish is to treat with tender love, to foster with tender care. Nourishing is tending her unto maturity. There are graces and endowments within your wife that should be nourished and in the process of nourishing, you are tenderly caring and kind. These skills come as we mature in the knowledge of Christ.
The water is to wash off filth and blemish, but there is a need to also nourish the wife, supplying the things that are lacking. Wives need to be cherished and tenderly loved: this is the way they should be loved. It is also important to state that the husband must also take care and nourish the wife’s physical body with good food (good food does not mean expensive), clothes and necessary things for use. The husband must also trust God for grace to be able to serve the wife in easing domestic burden. He should see to it that the wife’s health is not broken because of domestic or official jobs. Let her take a break occasionally off domestic work and rest.
The Husband Man (Songs of Solomon 4:12-16, 1 Corinthians 3:9)
Your wife is your garden, so if you see anything lacking in your wife or you see something that you so desire, you need to plant that thing in your wife. It is the duty of a kingdom husband to consciously plant what is lacking e.g grace(s), in that woman. Not just plant, you also nurture because sometimes you can plant and not see anything. There are plants that take a long time and you have to water and nurture them. If after 3 or 4 months she’s not changing, we should not just give up but rather be patient like Christ. If Christ had given up on us 2000 years ago, there wouldn’t be any Christian.
The Way of a Peaceful and Happy Marriage
We believe, by the Lord, that the servant’s heart is a core nature every husband must have. There is no better way to reach and touch your wife like serving her and taking care of her. Be her servant and be her Lord like Jesus. Happy are you if you know these things and do them (John 13:17).
Pastor Laide
A man that will talk you down in marriage will already be talking you down before marriage and a man that will encourage you in marriage will already be doing it before marriage. I am not referring to sweet talking you, I am saying words that wash, cleanse and make you better. You already know the kind of people that build you and edify you, that are aware of your weakness and not ashamed of it. They are also not just tolerating it but are walking together with you, trusting the Lord and hoping and looking forward to grace that will change it such that while that process is ongoing, they are loving you and caring for you.
These things we are saying are not a joke. There are people who are believers who have not become very tolerant in their heart. Some of the people we call spiritual are like that.
One minute of understanding with your wife will answer more prayers than 24hrs marathon prayer. If you don’t dwell with your wife according to knowledge, no matter how much time you spend on the mountain, everything will be like tinkling brass and sounding cymbals. A man is not spiritual because he can blast tongues 24hours. I am saying this because many of us sisters are deceived by that man of God figure. Many of them cannot bear with your infirmity. I am not saying there are no men who can pray and are spiritual. I used to think it is only those in the prayer department that are spiritual. I used to write off other people because our judgement was that to be spiritual you had to be in the prayer department or bible study.
THE END